It worked!

Well, it seems like it worked. I created a blog to help me let go of my anger and I typed and typed and as I did the swirling anger in my mind coalesced into paragraphs that, once written, allowed it all to just be gone.

Now, when I walk my dogs or do my routine chores, my thoughts focus on other things than just him and our problems. I no longer stew over the past and what he said or did or how things could have gone. I focus on my upcoming trips, my job, watching that spotted dog's butt as she runs like a crazy beast... I focus on me, on the now. And that is all I wanted when I first came here. I'm a success! Yay me!!

He's still around though, and now has decided, which I have not discouraged because I'm not quite sure why I'm suppose to, that I am his confidante regarding his new relationship. I now know way more than I ever thought I would, or wanted to, know about him and his very young girlfriend. Not that I care how old she is. as if.

And we still share some tools, a lawnmower, stuff like that. So I see him. And do you know what? I feel bad for him; I pity him. He has no clarity, he has nowhere that he's going, no goals beyond getting a new job. This is not new. But now when I listen to him yak on about his upcoming job interview for a job in the city where his girlfriend lives and his relationship issues that are making him question if he should take this job and move, about how he would like to do this or that, get a new truck, etc. but can't afford to even pay his rent, about how he might actually move away from here while I remain, as it seems, trapped here, owned by my house, I think, Aw, poor guy... he got the new young girl and doesn't even know if he trusts her, doesn't know what to think, will always just be this poor, broke flounderer. And it makes me sad for him. But not sad enough to want to do anything but listen. And I do my very best not to laugh, for the most part.

I, on the other hand, have tried on a few goals and am still not sure what to do. Here's the deal, to sum it up:
I like to travel.
I am a good public speaker and trainer of adults who want to learn.
I have awesome organizational skills.
I am creative.
I would like very much to start my own business.
I think I'd be good at training... but of what or of whom?
Something with tribal colleges?
I don't know.

I am working to manifest a way to combine all my skills into some lucrative traveling job where I set my own schedule and get to live here in the summer and be in warm places in the winter.

I think I should get a master's degree, but do I really want or need an MBA? Does that even make sense for me?

I am pondering. For now, I take my class. I walk my dogs. I do my best to keep up at work and keep my pets warm and fed and happy. And I work on my life goals. I need to set a few goals or stop mocking those with none.

The ultimate irony, for now, is if I, as a result of my break-up, am unable to move whereas he is forced to. The opposite of the desires that drove us apart.

That's all I've got for now, but the last thing I have to say is that I may perhaps need to rename the blog and find a way to use it to help me think things out and make my plans and create my new life. Because it's not about him anymore. It's about me now.